Bulimia: the bully that we cannot see.

Yesterday I decided to post a very personal blog post called It Is Not Taboo in which I talk about depression and how it has affected my best friend and those around her. The feedback I received from this has been overwhelmingly positve and it is this that has prompted me to talk about another personal problem: bulimia.

This is not something I talk about with people very often; in fact I don't think I have ever mentioned it at all. It is not something I like people to know. 

My story.

As a little girl, I was bullied due to being almost deaf in one ear and unable to hear in class. Being a four year old little girl who couldn't hear and who just needed people on her side is not a nice thing to encounter. My hearing was eventually sorted and I gained more confidence within school but within myself? I don't think it has ever been there. All through High School I was bullied - granted I didn't help myself sometimes - but a lot of the time it was people thinking that they had the upper hand (or many people on their side, in one particular person's case). 12 years of having people pick on you can do a lot to someone's confidence and general self esteem.  Anyways, I left school and it wasn't until I was seventeen that it all started.

When I was seventeen I was in a relationship with an absolute prat, but at the time I thought that he was the best thing since sliced bread. He was good looking, funny and tall: fit. But he was also an absolute control freak and if I so much as ate more than three mouthfuls I was called fat and he wouldn't speak to me for days. 

It was during those days I realised a perfect way to eat and still stay slim. I could make myself sick, just like that Matilda girl from Home and Away or that Hannah lass from HOLLYOAKS. They nearly died, yes but I wouldn't because I'd make my boyfriend realise that I could eat and be slim; fool proof.

It didn't work like that though and I eventually ended up coughing blood and having severe stomach pains: I couldn't eat without being sick and I didn't even want to be sick. I went to 5 stone and was seriously poorly. It was with the help of a doctor and a friend that I became well again. I broke up with my boyfriend and moved on: I ate like an absolute machine and I didn't give a shit if I put a few pounds on. I wanted to gain weight.

Then when I was twenty-one I got into a relationship with someone who I genuinely loved more than anything in the world. It was intense and we were just so wrong for each other and it was the wrong time for us to be together: he was too young and I was just so not ready for it but I didn't want to be alone. We stayed together for around 6 months and just a couple of weeks later whilst on a night out in Manchester, I began to have severe and excruciating stomach pains. Less than 24 hours later I was being told at the hospital I was pregnant. I knew I had lost that baby: there was no way it would be ok. It was the worst experience of my life but I know now it was for the best because the father was an absolute useless cretin. He was not there but luckily I had fantastic and supportive people around me; ones who told me to go to hospital in the first place but instead I insisted on walking home alone. This experience did not bring back the bulimia but it did make me think about it a hell of a lot. 

From November to the beginning of January I was seeing someone named Jake. Whilst with him I did put some weight on and he pointed that out. "Well you are a bit fat aren't you?" or "Christ you need to lose some weight" and of course, I wanted to do anything I could to be skinny again. I didn't, though. Instead I told him to fuck off and in doing so I got dumped for being 'too fat' for him. How lovely. While I was seeing him, he would also poke fun at how I don't have a degree and how I'm not as smart as him. Maybe I don't have a degree (I will soon, as I go to University in September) but I have morals and I am grounded: something that prick lacks!

My point in telling this story is just to make people aware that when you bully someone by poking fun at their weight or looks, you never know what this could trigger them to do. After that, any kind of bullying just tips them over the edge and sometimes for some people, there's just no going back.

How does bulimia make you feel?

In my experience, when I made myself sick I instantly felt better about myself. It got to the point where I would eat and eat and eat just to feel amazing for a few minutes. I would have confidence and be the person I always wanted to be. The minute I felt shite again, I would eat: it was that simple. 

Not everyone feels like this, though. Some people do it because it makes them feel bad and they feel as thought that is how they deserve to feel within themselves. Others do it to simply lose weight and it gives them no form of feeling. Every sufferer of bulimia is different, but one thing they have in common? Even though they are the ones doing this to themselves, there is always an underlying reason behind it: it really is not their fault and is not a cry for attention. Remember that!

What are the effects?

• The first, most obvious effect is the weight loss: you lose a significant amount of weight. This can lead to weakness and fatigue.
• Blood in vomit and phlegm.
• Low chances of conception: it can stop your menstrual cycle and prevent ovulation. It also increases risks of breech and still births, miscarriage and premature birth.
• It affects the circulatory system by causing dehydration within the body, throwing  your electrolytes out of balance and leads to low levels of potassium and iron.
• The vomit acid can damage the esophagus and effect bowel movements.

All in all there are many repercussions of bulimia and each one can untimately be fatal. 

How to seek help?

Believe me, I understand that admitting something wrong is hard for anyone, even if it is something simple. Admitting you have bulimia is something entirely different and on a completely different scale altogether. 

The first thing is speaking about it. Speak to anyone, especially a Doctor. They will take control from then on. They will do tests and will make sure you get all necessary help available; you will 100% have help and you will NEVER deal with this on your own. 

Speaking to someone such as a counsellor can also help. What you talk about with them is private and they give you the best advice needed for your situation: promise.

It takes a hell of a lot to talk about something so daunting and personal but if I can talk about it now, on a blog where people I do not know will see it, then you can seek help and talk to those closest.

It might be hard and scary, but in the long run it is so worth it. 

I promise. ❤️

To people around those suffering from this: NEVER make someone feel as though they cannot talk to you; they may need you more than you know.

As always, thank you for reading.

Comments would be lovely and are always appreciated.

Love you all,

Lizzie 

Xxxx 

Depression: it is not a taboo.

This post is extremely personal and something I'm doing for someone very important to me. I will not be naming names but they know who they are anyway: I just feel that this is a subject in need of discussing.

For reasons that no sane person can comprehend, the term 'depression' is seen as a taboo subject. Why? Nobody knows, but people just don't like to talk about it. Whether it's because they have been through it and are embarrassed, they have witnessed it happening to a loved one and they feel uncomfortable or sad talking about it or they simply just do not understand, people cannot bare to bring it up.  In my opinion it is time this changed and people became more aware of it.

What is it?

Nobody knows what depression is and I do not think anybody ever will know for sure what it is that affects around 5 out of 100 adults each year. We all have shit days where we are down in the dumps and just want a cuddle but for someone who is depressed it is far worse. I have never suffered from any form of depression but what I have seen of it and how it has affected that person's life gives me a small idea of how drastically effecting it is upon the sufferer. For a person with depression, everything that seems like nothing to another person will feel like the end of the world to them. Whether it is a change of plan, the tea burning or not getting the payslip you originally thought you would, one second everything can be fine and the next, that person is on the floor crying and confused.

Seeing this first hand is horrific but not something the person suffering should ever feel embarrassed about. I am not a person who deals well with unknown situations and when one of these 'attacks' hits my friend, I have no fucking idea what to do. It's so scary and so upsetting so imagine how the person suffering feels? I can imagine that it is 100000000% worse and then some. 

Why do people not like to talk about it?

This is something I will never understand and something I feel is extremely ignorant and old-fashioned. It is as though people do not trust the term and so look at it as a 'taboo' subject. When people say the word 'depressed' have you noticed the reaction of people around them? Some roll their eyes, some change the subject and some just cannot believe the word has been uttered so bluntly. It is not as if it is Harry Potter and someone mentioned 'Voldemort'. It is a serious situation because when someone says they're depressed, how do you know that they aren't? How do you know that they aren't trying to reach out to you and are asking for your help? You don't know that and unless you try to understand, you never will. At least that's what I thought but after a conversation with another friend, the only person who should understand is the sufferer: but even they don't grasp why they react and act the way that they do when confronted with certain situations. Why can't people be open about such things? Maybe it is because they just don't understand what the hell is going on. 

 

As I have said I have never been affected personally other than by a close friend suffering with it. Her family are affected in ways I never realised could happen and it is devastating to see. But when my friend has someone who is there for her 24/7 and who keeps her up even when he feels like shit himself, it makes it that tiny little bit easier for her and that is something amazing. It is just proof that if things like this are spoke about more often, more can be done and people can go through it without feeling completely alone and overwhelmed.

I've been that shit friend where I've cancelled last minute and sometimes I feel as though I am walking on egg shells and I feel isolated and why? Because I have been ignorant and haven't tried to understand what my friend is going though. It took me cancelling plans to realise just how shit it is for her and how if she doesn't understand, nobody else will know. How shit is that? But even though I feel like this, it doesn't make her any less my friend and why would it? It just means that she's a lot more emotional.

Things like this should not be kept quiet: if you are depressed or feel someone is then speak out. It will make things worse if you keep it to yourself. 

The more people talk about it and the less people feel it is a taboo subject, the better chance there is of beating the most common 'mental health problem'.

It took a lot to write this and I just hope that people do not get offended or upset: that is so not my intention. I just feel that such an important and life-changing subject should be discussed more. People talk so much about nights out, sex and EastEnders so why not talk about depression as much? Why not make more people aware of what affects many people around you?

Your comments would be so appreciated, as always.

Lizzie

Xxx

Captivated Animals: Beautifully wild to heartbreakingly institutionalised

I do not think that there are anymore than 5 whales in captivity who were born in the ocean: they were all born in these parks. Send any of them back and they will die. They have all been fed and have never been trained to hunt: they'll all think that they have to do tricks for the whole world. Even those whales such as Tilikum - who was caught in Iceland in 1982 - would not last because he's been INSTITUTIONALISED! They would starve and die, it is as simple as that. If you put them in cordoned off parts of the ocean that are extremely large then that could work. Don't leave them in their horrible small pools but don't just shove them back in the ocean and expect them to fend for themselves and survive, either: they wouldn't see out the year. These people should have done something a long time ago!! Yes they're almost endangered and no, they shouldn't be because they're beautiful animals and belong in the wild but before long, they will be all extinct.

http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-30961958

When it comes to the situation regarding captive animals I am extremely passionate; I hate anything to do with animals being taken from their homes and placed in pools 1/10 the size of their natural habitat and made to do tricks for the equally disgusting public.

Unlike a lot of people it was not the movie Blackfish that spurred my hatred for SeaWorld. It is my love for animals and sense of knowing that if I was placed in a cage and made to do tricks for the public, I would hate it.

However, Blackfish did give me a much clearer insight to how the captive whales at SeaWorld are treated. The death of three people was blamed on the victim but when investigations were led and it was revealed not to be their fault, the whale in question - Tilikum - was blamed. Yet how can he be blamed? Yes, he killed them but what we have to realise is this: all three victims died doing something he did not agree with.

Keltie Byrne

When Tilikum was first caught he was sent to Sealand of the Pacific. Here he was responsible for the death of a young girl named Keltie Byrne. Although he did kill her, he was reacting to a situation that he was not used to. He is placed in a pool exceptionally smaller that the ocean in which he was used to living in and made to entertain the public which he was not used to doing. He reacted to an unknown situation with violence and force: yes the girl died but can you really blame a kidnapped whale for acting on his distress?

Daniel P. Dukes

In 1999 at SeaWorld resort in Orlando, Daniel P. Dukes was found dead in the enclosure of Tilikum. Dukes had hidden from security the night before and made his way to the pool. He was naked with his clothes discovered on the side of the pool: he clearly had thought that he could swim with the whales and live to tell the tale.

Whether Tilikum had been responsible for the man's death, Dukes should not have taken it upon himself to enter Tilikum's home and invade his privacy: we wouldn't allow that to happen to us when an intruder attempts to enter our home without our permission. This was an act of defence from the whale and not an act of murder.

Dawn Brancheau

The death of Dawn Brancheau just proved that Tilikum had reached an unstable psychosis and that his involvement in the death of his trainer was simply him acting in violence after being given the opportunity to do so.

^^ As you can see in the above image, Dawn 'chilled' on the whale as though this was a natural occurrence. It was not and it was actions like these that most likely led to her death in 2010.

When Dawn died a horrific death in 2010 due to Tilikum attacking her, OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) investigated her death and the events leading to it thoroughly at the request of Dawn's family and husband. SeaWorld claimed that Tilikum pulled her into the water by her ponytail and that he acted on this because he assumed the ponytail was a fish. However further investigating revealed that Tilikum actually dragged Dawn into the water by her foot and within minutes she was dead. Having been in captivity for 29 years, Tiliikum had reached a point where he no longer was rational and patient; he snapped and took it out on the one person he could at the time. He cannot be blamed for her death; it is his many years in captivity that have led him to his unstable psychotic state.

The point of this post is to outlay the facts; whales are not stable within captivity where they are being looked after. If they are released into the wild, they would not survive. Whales such as Tilikum may have been born in the wild but they have been raised in captivity for 80% of heir lives; they would not know how to hunt and would attack other whales. Those born in captivity would also die: their lives in 20ft by 30ft pools where they are fed and forced to perform tricks are the only lives they know and can comprehend.

I will never understand how people can justify stealing these beautiful, soon-to-be-endangered animals and putting them in the water-equivalent of a prison. It is beyond barbaric and before long these beautiful creatures will be extinct and a distant memory.

Growing up I adored films such as Free Willy but now and as I've got older, I just do not look at that film as a childhood memory. The whale who 'played' Willy was a male orca names Keiko. He was released into the wild after the making of the films and the scenes filmed in Free Willy and his life in captivity led to him 'beaching' himself on shores, allowing children to ride on his back and returning to harbours to be fed by stall owners and the general public. For a whale so beautiful, his life ended as a play-thing for those who just saw a whale who leaped over a rock wall to freedom. He should have spent his life in the ocean, having babies and spending his life with family. He should not have died a commodity.

I may sound as though I'm preaching or just whining about something 'inconsequential' but these WILD animals belong in the wild their whole lives: they don't belong in tiny pools, they don't deserve to be bred and raised in captivity and they certainly do not deserve to spend decades in captivity just to be released to die in the environment they were born to live in.

I know that not only Orcas are being captured and placed in captivity: Dolphins, polar bears, penguins and seals are a few of many other breeds of animals being kept in captivity. Yet is the Orca who makes he headlines and it is the Orca who is the most discussed: it is the Orca who causes the most worry due to their sheer size.

Unless an example is set regarding the abolition of captive orcas there will be no abolition of the capture and captivity of other water animals or any other animal!

I hope you enjoyed this and it made you think: how would you liked to be caught and put in a small enclosed space for the rest of your life?

You wouldn't.

Comments would be lovely: it'd be nice to hear what people think.

Lizzie

Xxxxx

That advice we give yet never take

We have all been in that hideous situation: a friend is going through some bad shit and they need us and our fab advice. Naturally, we are 100% there for them: we hand out the tissues, give the best hugs and have a large supply of Ben and Jerry's ready! (Unless you're me and my friends: we have vodka.)

^^^ My best friend and the one with all the wisdom ❤️❤️

Yet it doesn't matter how much advice we give to those we care about, we still never take our own advice when it comes to it. We whinge and whine about how everything is horrible, nobody cares and continue on with our shitty lives instead of listening to our own words of wisdom. 

So: what are the most popular pieces of advice we never take ourselves but dish out like Katie Price hands out wedding rings and bad baby names?

"Under no circumstances do you text your ex tonight and no, I do not care how drunk you get." 

Every lass has been heartbroken. Whether we've been cheated on, a relationship hasn't worked out or we've been majorly friend zoned, we've all got emotional and cried over a bloke. Then we get drunk, our emotions are heightened and we just need them to know that they've hurt us or that we miss them or that we are completely and irrevocably in love with them. During a break-up we are adjusting to not having that one person around anymore and so we have to get used to not texting them. "I only want to say good night" or "I'm just telling him that I miss him" are NOT allowed: you get out there and you meet someone else. After all, they do say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It's easy to control our friends when they're sober and are all there in the head, but what about when they've had two bottles of echo falls or half a bottle of Smirnoff? You can't do a damn thing in that case: I've been there and it's difficult. I go mad, scream and shout and tell my friend to "move the fuck on" until I'm blue in the face but does she listen? Nope. Do I understand that this is how I make my friends feel when I'm pissed and adamant my ex deserves to know he's missed and the best shag I've ever had? Do I heck. 

Rationally, we feel that the advice we give our friends is the best most fantabulous wisdom they have ever had placed upon them but when they tell us the exact same thing we tell them to "stop talking out of their arses" and continue being a whining brat. We text our ex, have a shit night, cry into our jäger bomb and sterling fresh taste and then after a McDonalds we go home. When we wake up we instantly feel crap and cringe because we know what we've done the night before: we did the exact thing we tell our friends not to do and what's the first thing we say to them? "I should have listened to you last night babe. I'm sorry!" Typical.

"He will only break your heart so stay away."

I am yet to meet a female who actually listens to this advice. If you find one who has sense, high five her for me. We each as an individual know what we want and when it comes to a man, we are certain we are right in our judgement. No matter how much we warn our friends against getting in a relationship with the biggest player in town, they don't listen. Then again neither do we. We go mental when our friends meet a tool and stay with him and it's all because we know that her heart is going to end up in millions of pieces once he's through with her. 

Yet we do the exact same thing: we never listen to our friends when they warn us about someone but we feel the need to warn them by advising them to dump the absolute toe rag. It's the same with the female species all over the world: we never practice what we preach. Ever.

"Everything will be okay in the end and if it isn't, then it is not the end."

This is quite possibly the best quote I have ever heard. A quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, it's words speak volumes and mean a great deal. We go through a bad experience and think that everything is over, that things will not get better. We tell our friends that everything will be okay in the end and that there are worse things could happen to them. Yet when it comes to it, what do we do when things get crap? We cry, stamp our feet and declare "everything is over. What am I going to do?" They tell us "it'll all be alright in the end" and in a frustrated tone we reply, "how the fuck do you know?" 

This happens all the time with everyone going through something bad; we just never ever listen to our own advice. We stay adamant it'll always be horrific and that nothing will ever be good again. All we have to do is tell ourselves that "everything will be okay eventually" but why would we do that, when we can make our lives hell and torment ourselves? Bright sparks, aren't we!

"You cannot justify your actions by saying you were drunk; it is still wrong"

This is one piece of advice I always have to give my friends. Why? Because they're raging alcoholics with a tendancy to make bad decisions whilst drunk. Whether it's getting it on with a stranger or saying something horrible to a friend you have a particular hatred for that night, we all do dumb stuff after a few-too-many Vinos. I for one make many mistakes when drunk but do I do what I tell my friends to do and admit I was wrong? Do I fuck. I blame it on the booze. Always have and always will. It's so much easier to say I bit someone because I was drunk and take no blame whatsoever than actually hold my hands up and say, "actually it was my fault. Yes I drank too much but I hadn't eaten beforehand and I should have done. So I'm sorry for biting you and leaving a mark!" (yes, I did this and yes, she's still friends with me - surprisingly.) But yeah. We give out to our friends for blaming their hideous actions on the booze but we hypocritically do the exact same thing. Always.

"If you want a hot body, put the cheeseburger down"

I don't know about you but If someone said this to me I would be absolutely fuming. If I want to be a fat get and eat an alarming amount of cheeseburgers I will do. I aren't going on holiday so I don't need to make myself look good for a bikini and if I get lucky, just switch off the light. It's really that simple, right? Yes it is. But I'm that horrible bitch I hate because I am THAT friend who tells you if you're not hitting that bikini look. "Put the cake down, dear you almost resemble Michelle Macmanus" and I know it's awful but we all want brutal honesty from our friends right? Yes, but only if it's nice things that are said. I don't want to be told not to eat fattening foods but by god I'll tell my girls if they need to lose a few cheeseburgers here and there. 

"let's go for a couple of drinks after college: we'll go home after two then you can do your essay!" 

What utter bull shit this is. I have never just had two drinks. I go to a pub quiz and end up in Mojo's at 2am dancing on tables. I go for ONE drink, end up buying two bottles of wine and countless bags of crisps. What spurred me to add this piece of advice to the list is quite simply the fact that this happened to myself and a friend last night. Me and Sarah went to Headingley with the intention of having two drinks. We ended up drinking fire eater and cokes and having a ball of a time. 

It always happens. Once you've had one drink you just need to have another! "you are such a bad influence" Sarah said. I am a bad influence: it's always my idea. I give out the best advice yet I never ever take that advice myself and have just one drink and go home and do my essays or have a cup of tea.

Let's be honest, taking our own advice is like trying to swallow a paracetamol without water: hard to do and leaves a rank taste in your mouth. We like to think our advice is amazing but if someone gave me that advice I'd be very upset and tell whoever gives me the advice to sod off.  We just don't like to hear that someone else is right and we ourselves are wrong. Stubborn as shit us women! 

The reason I decided to post this is because my best friend told me that I give the best advice but never take it. It got me thinking and I realised that literally all women do this and we can a relate to one another. 

We all do go through the same shit day-in and day-out.

I hope you all enjoyed,

Comments would be lovely: it'd be nice to hear what people think.

Lizzie

Xxx 

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